Now the sentiment of the story of a Kshatrani woman, a sevakini of Shri Gusainji, who lived in the eastern region, is being told.
Bhav Prakash (Revealing the Sentiment): She is a rajasic devotee. In the divine play her name is “Angana.” She is a companion of Shri Yashodaji. She has great motherly affection toward Shri Thakurji. Therefore Shri Yashodaji is always pleased with her. She manifested from Ras-Prakasika. Therefore her form is of devotional sentiment.
She was born in a Kshatriya family in a village about five kos from Kashi. When she was eight years old, she was married to a boy of her own community. After some days, a plague came. In that, her mother, father, mother-in-law, father-in-law, and her husband — all five died. Then this Kshatrani remained alone in the house. She wept continuously. She neither ate nor drank anything.
Near her house lived a Vaishnav. He could not bear to see her sorrow. So he said to her, “O lady! What will happen by weeping? It is the will of the Lord. Therefore now you should serve Shri Thakurji. Through that you will attain joy.” Then the Kshatrani said, “I do not know how to perform any service.” Then the Vaishnav said to her, “Go to Adel and become a sevakini of Shri Gusainji. Shri Gusainji will explain to you the method of service and will give you Shri Thakurji to serve. You should serve Him. Then all your sorrow will go away. You will attain great joy. Shri Thakurji is supremely compassionate. He will make everything good.”
After that, the Kshatrani came to Adel. She prayed to Shri Gusainji and became his sevakini. Then she prayed to Shri Gusainji, “Maharaj! Please bestow some service upon me, so that I may serve. I am alone in my house; therefore my days do not pass.” Then Shri Gusainji entrusted her with service. He gave her the swaroop of Lalji. He explained to her the entire method of service. Then Shri Gusainji instructed her, “Serve Him carefully with the feeling of a child. Shri Thakurji will give you all happiness.” After that, the Kshatrani brought Shri Thakurji from Adel to her own village. She became a great beloved devotee of the Lord.
Prasang 1 – Motherly Service and the Breaking of Intimacy
That lady had no relatives, no sons or daughters. She was alone. In her house she served Shri Thakurji very properly. Just as one behaves with a worldly child, in the same way she would speak with Shri Thakurji. She herself remained somewhat distressed, but she served Shri Thakurji with great love and affection. Just as she would call Shri Thakurji like her own child, in the same way Shri Thakurji would speak with her. He behaved like a little boy. Whenever she went outside her house, she would say before leaving, “Maharaj Lalji! I am going outside for some work. Therefore, the food is here in the house — please eat it. And drink water from this small pot. I am covering this food. When you feel hungry, please eat. And if you feel thirsty, drink water from here.”
In this way she told everything to her Shri Thakurji. When she went outside, Shri Thakurji acted exactly as she had said. If He felt hungry, He Himself would take food with His own hands and eat. If He felt thirsty, He Himself would drink water with His own hands. When the lady returned, she would first look at the water pot — “Did my Lalji drink water? Did He remain thirsty? Did He remain hungry?” Then her mind would become pleased and satisfied.
When she slept, she would place Shri Lalji on her own bed beside her and sleep, just as in worldly life one sleeps with one’s own child. In the same way she would sleep with Shri Thakurji beside her. One night, about one and a half prahars had passed. That day, two cats had remained under her bed. The two cats began fighting with each other. Shri Thakurji became frightened. The lady began scolding the cats. When Shri Thakurji was frightened, she said to her Shri Lalji, “Do not be afraid.” And she said to the cats, “My Lalji is getting frightened!” She scolded the cats, but they did not stop fighting.
As she kept embracing Shri Thakurji, He, being frightened of the cats, clung to her. Shri Thakurji said, “O lady! I am afraid of these wretched cats.” Then she held Shri Thakurji to her heart and scolded the cats, saying, “You shameless creatures! How have you remained in my house today? Just wait till morning — I will beat you with sticks! Today you are frightening my Shri Lalji! Tomorrow I will deal with you!”
In this way she kept scolding the cats and comforting and embracing her Shri Lalji. But she could not get up from her bed. In her mind she thought, “How can I leave my Lalji alone and go? He will be frightened. And these cats are not stopping their fight.” Again and again Shri Thakurji said, “O lady! I am afraid of these wretched cats,” and he kept clinging to her. Then she said, “O Shri Lalji Maharaj! You killed Putana, and you killed great demons. At that time you were not afraid. Then why are you afraid of these wretched cats?”
When she said this, Shri Thakurji left her and said, “O lady! Until today there was this relationship between you and Me. But now that relationship no longer remains.” From that day onward, Shri Thakurji did not speak to her at all.
Bhav Prakash (Revealing the Sentiment): It is said that as long as one knows Him only as a child, He remains Lalji. But when one recognizes His greatness and divinity, then He becomes the Lord. Where awareness of His greatness arises, there affection departs. As long as there is simple affection, He remains a child. In whatever way the devotee lovingly indulges Him, in that very way He responds. The Lord is dependent upon the devotee’s feeling. In whatever feeling the devotee worships Him, in that same feeling the Lord also responds to the devotee. But when the feeling of divine majesty arises, then He becomes God — and He does not speak or converse. Therefore He did not speak to her. After that, the lady prayed greatly to Shri Thakurji. After some days, Shri Thakurji again began to speak with her.
Bhav Prakash (Revealing the Sentiment): Here it is shown that the Lord becomes pleased through humility. Through humility, all offenses are removed. Such is the power of humility. Therefore Vaishnavs should maintain humility and serve the Lord.
That lady was such a recipient of grace and beloved devotee of Shri Thakurji that He remained affectionately responsive to her and conversed with her. How far can one describe her story?